Rant

Thursday 23 December 2010

A three and a half hour flight from Perth to Melbourne today enabled me to catch up with the cream of Australian sports journalism. Fortunately that left the remaining three and a quarter hours to catch up with such cultural delights as Simon's new Nintendo DS games and more episodes of Mr Bean than I thought the world would ever need. With around three pages to fill each day on the subject of the Ashes alone, panic is understandably foremost in the psyche of most sport journos down under. This may not be quite so prominent during the matches themselves, when at least two pages can be devoted to the previous day's action, but in the downtime between Tests, it becomes a real issue. Hence some tried and tested "Polly Filler" techniques are required: 1. Interview with has-been Australian Test cricketer: Always a sure fire winner, this is designed to provide lucid, insightful comment by a household name. Or if not, at least it will fill half a page. Today it was the turn of Jeff "Tommo" Thomson, famously the scourge of England's batsmen back in the seventies. Tommo, now 60, has evidently matured slowly from his tearaway days, as his half a dozen pronoucements - mainly aimed at the fragility of England's batting - all seemed to revolve around the word "shit" (or "s**t", as reported by the prudish West Australian). I mean, can't the man express himself without resorting to four letter words? What a tw*t. 2. Recycling an article from another newspaper: Another half page was taken up by quoting what seemed to be an entire article published in a British newspaper by England wicketkeeper batsman Matt Prior. This was deemed to be of deep national interest because it dealt with one of the topical subjects of the moment - the "sledging"* between the two sides which is alleged to have occurred during the Perth Test. Guys, you really are way behind the times - I pointed this out in one of my first blog entries back in November "Snow, sledging and Mr Cricket". 3. Doing a topical issue to death: Or in this particular case, three topical issues: sledging (see above), the likely state of the Melbourne wicket and the likely state of Ricky Ponting's broken little finger. These tiresome topics accounted for over 90% of the content of today's cricket reporting. What's more, it appears to be compulsory for the whole of the Australian media to refer to their captain's injured digit as "Ponting's pinkie". Evey bloody time. In fact the issue of the pinkie is irrelevant: I agree with the TV report tonight which opined that "Ponting's finger would actually have to fall off to prevent him playing at Melbourne". Here endeth the rant of the day. Tomorrow we are going on a day trip down the Great Ocean Road - in our case on a tourist bus rather than the more glamorous modes of transport favoured by Kevin Pietersen, Shane Warne and an actress of the dress-held-together-by-safety-pins persuasion. * Explanation for non-cricket fans: Sledging = verbal abuse of an opponent during play (and I bet you thought cricket was a sport played by gentlemen)

Reflections on defeat

Tuesday 21 December 2010

As promised, here are some further reflections on England's defeat in the 3rd Test: 1. Even though this is one of the better England cricket teams of modern times - a team which is also very professionally coached and generally well captained - there always seems to be one match in a Test series in which the team does not perform to its own high standards. This happened at home against Australia in 2009 (bowled out for 102 on the first day at Headingley, losing by an innings and 80 runs) and once again only four months ago against a poor Pakistan side (lost by 4 wickets at the Oval). Both matches were characterised by batting collapses similar to those experienced in Perth. The key point is that in both cases the team was able to bounce back straight away by winning the following game. There is no reason why this should not be the case again here. 2. There is no doubt that the Perth wicket suited Australia far more than England - and always has done on previous tours. The four Aussie fast bowlers consistently recorded speeds of 140 km/h whereas England's three seamers were generally nearer 130. Regularly achieving 10 km/h more on a fast bouncy wicket can make a huge difference at this level. Moreover, the potency of England's world class spinner Graeme Swann appeared to be negated by the surface - to the extent that he was barely used during Australia's second innings. Neither Melbourne nor Sydney are likely to provide surfaces which are as fast or bouncy as Perth - whatever the last ditch efforts of the groundsmen to favour the home side. 3. In Test cricket it is a truism that three days of good performances can be undone by an hour or so of poor play. But England's problem in Perth was that they delivered numerous passages of play, each of which could have lost them a tight Test match. I counted at least six: - letting Australia reach 268 on Day 1 after winning the toss and reducing them to 68 for 5 - collapsing from 78 for 0 to 98 for 5 in a crazy hour before lunch on Day 2 - after a partial recovery to 181 for 6, losing their last four wickets for only 6 runs - making it so easy for Watson and Hussey to put the match all but out of England's reach on Day 3 - collapsing again at the end of Day 3 to 81 for 5 after the bowlers had given England a sniff of a chance - capitulating embarrassingly in only 45 minutes on Day 4 to be bowled out in a pitiful 37 overs.

While this is not a silver bullet, I fully agree with the clamour for Ian Bell to bat higher than number six at Melbourne - a straight swap with Paul Collingwood at five looks to be the least disruptive solution. Comments please.

[Original comments]

Glenn December 21, 2010 at 5:00 PM

I find myself in the very strange position of agreeing with almost everything you say - must be too much Glühwein!!

However, I say "almost" as I am concerned about the switch to the faster track in Melbourne... I wonder how "last minute" this is, or whether it was always part of a cunning plan. Of course, that would imply clever tactics from Australians - so maybe you're right after all ;)

Miracle cancelled, disciples head for the beach

Sunday 19 December 2010

Some spare time for a walk in the park

Perth Day 4: England 123 all out. Australia win by 257 runs. Walking to the WACA ground this morning, I almost succeeded in convincing myself that England's remaining batsmen would show some fight and hold out at least until lunch. Maybe the in-form Ian Bell would even hit a quickfire hundred to cheer the spirits (at this stage I'd actually have taken a really dull 50). But as soon as play resumed, England's capitulation continued apace and - embarrassingly - it was all over before the first drinks interval. This meant that the cost of cricket per minute for the average spectator in the ground today was in the region of one Aussie dollar (or an eighth of a pint of beer). This time Ryan Harris assumed the mantle of chief destroyer, taking a superb 6 for 47. Plentiful assistance was again provided by England's batsmen who continued to perfect an unhelpful tendency to miss balls aimed at their wickets (and yes, non-cricket fans, you guessed right that this is fairly fundamental). Some balls hit the pads, others simply knocked the stumps clean out of the ground - in the case of Jimmy Anderson's dismissal, almost impaling Aussie wicketkeeper Brad Haddin on the fourth cartwheel. Which would have been unfortunate, as even the Barmy Army doesn't dislike Mr Haddin quite that much. In summary, England were completely stuffed in this game. This continues a sequence of complete stuffings at the WACA which dates back to the early eighties. All by huge margins. Maybe we were entitled to believe this match might be different given the apparent form and momentum of both sides going into this match. But in the end it was not to be, as Australia came back from the living dead to produce a really top class performance - one made all the more remarkable by the fact that three of their top line batsmen (Hughes, Ponting and Clarke) barely contributed a run. So, where do England go from here? Further reflections will follow in the next day or so. Meanwhile Day 5 of this Test will be spent on the beach.